Send us your e-mail for free newsletter:
| Home |
| About Us |
| Programs |
| Products |
| Profile |
|
Clients/ Testimonials |
|
Articles (Free) |
|
Newsletter (Free) |
| Contact Us |
 |
|
|
Overcoming Our Need to Blame
Ever stub your toe and mumble, "Who put that there?" Or misplace a memo and think, "Who took my file?" You're not alone. Psychologists tell us that as soon as we realize there are aspects of ourselves we don't like, we unconsciously externalize them onto others, creating a world of bad ("them") vs. good ("us").
Consider the child who punches her doll after she trips and falls. Or, as Howard Stein, editor of The Journal of Psychoanalytic Anthropology said in an issue of Newsweek, "We need the bad guys, the people who embody all that stuff we want to get rid of−our greed, anger, avarice." If not addressed these tendencies can evolve into rival groups on a school playground and, eventually, antagonistic workplace situations.
As is true with all things in nature, there is a closely-linked counterbalance to this negative need: the positive need for love. When reprimanded by our supervisors, often we are tempted to pass that anger on to our subordinates, or blame someone else for our failure to meet the expectations of the "boss." In this world where 90 percent of the input we get is negative, what we really need is a word of praise or encouragement from our supervisors. When this happens often enough, and our personal needs for esteem are met, we naturally pass on the overflow of praise to others who have contributed to that positive performance, fulfilling their esteem needs as well. The end result is improved morale and increased productivity for everyone.
How can we get control of that negative side which wants to externalize our failings (real or perceived) onto others?
-
Recognize these tendencies for what they are, and accept the fact that each of us is a flawed creature of nature. It is part of being human. Commit to controlling negative thoughts about ourselves or others. We have that power.
-
Learn to celebrate the uniqueness of each person, rather than trying to force others into the mold of our own preconceived perceptions. Resist judging others by our own values.
-
Start with the common cords of humanity which bind us all together on this planet, and deal with differences as they arise. For example, when conversing with someone who is "different," search for a shared experience (such as the weather, or a meeting you both have just attended) which puts you both on equal footing and establishes a common base line from which to develop the relationship.
-
In the workplace create settings or environments where people can iron out their differences through discussion and mediation, if necessary, encouraging participants to see the other's point of view as well as their own.
It has been said that the hope of the future lies in the ability of adults to surrender their childhood need to blame.
___
Author Judith A. Starkey is president of The Starkey Group, Inc., a consulting and training firm providing multicultural strategies. For more information see www.StarkeyGrp.com.
For permission to reproduce this article contact StarkeyGrp@aol.com or the address below.
Contact Us:
Judith A. Starkey, President
The Starkey Group, Inc.
3180 N. Lake Shore Drive, Suite 17G
Chicago, Illinois 60657-4867 USA
Phone: 773 348 0421
Fax: 773 348 3683
E-Mail: jas@StarkeyGrp.com or
StarkeyGrp@aol.com
Website. www.StarkeyGrp.com
MultiCultural Strategies
We respect your privacy and will
not reveal your identity without authorization.
See our Products for more
information.
Copyright © 2011 The Starkey Group, Inc., All Rights Reserved.